I tried to right a wrong today.
I can't - nor should I believe that I have the ability and perspective to - speak for anyone else, but as a white professional man in America today the only thing that is shocking about the latest flurry of stories centered on men using their power and influence to objectify and extort sexual favors out of women (and in some cases men) is the fact that anybody is surprised.
I have always believed that I viewed this type of activity with the deepest level of disdain. After some serious self-reflection, I no longer feel comfortable allowing myself to believe that I am without my own level of culpability.
There has never been a time in my career that I believe I used my position or power inappropriately in order to feed my own selfish desires at the significant cost of those who find themselves dependent on my approval or support. That is exactly what these pathetic little men are doing on a regular basis - pushing down their own insecurities and weaknesses by abusing those that they are being asked to lead. Unfortunately, I can not say with the same certainty that my desire (whether it is the fruit of my own good intentions or not) to avoid the cliche of the boss sexually harassing his employees hasn't had a negative impact on women that have worked for the companies I have had influence in.
I have long went out of my way to avoid any sort of familiarity with female staff that could be construed as or lead to inappropriate behavior. I now believe that in doing this I have failed to properly recognize or develop relationships with some employees, simply because they are women. I do not feel this is the case with women under my direct supervision, as the requirements of being a good manager and developing these employees required a much higher level of interaction that wouldn't be possible otherwise. Where I failed is in properly respecting and appreciating the strengths and talents of women who were not under my direct supervision, but whom I still had considerable control and influence over their career path. This doesn't come from a belief that women aren't just as capable as men to do a job, but rather from a lack of relationships with these team members that would allow me the same appreciation for their skills.
Today I took a step in the direction of ending this behavior. I have a client who I am working with through a succession plan and helping identify and groom the next generation of ownership and management. I've worked closely with this client long enough to know the current team and make recommendations on who should participate in this development process. I realized today that there was one staff member who is equally deserving as the others, but whom I don't know as well on a personal level. I didn't initially recommend her for a role in the future management of the company, and if I'm being honest with myself, I should have. I made that recommendation today, asking my client to take a close look at this talented woman, and at least ask the question "Why not her?"
Today I am committing to the following "pledge" for lack of a better word. I realize that my ability to impact society at any meaningful level is non-existent. What I can do is recognize that this is an issue for me, and adhere to these statements. It is my hope that other men in positions of influence and power will see something in the simple action of acceptance and acknowledgment and make similar stands, but the reality is that so many of us lack the ability to recognize our short-comings. I sincerely hope and pray that this changes in the near future, if nothing else so my daughter has the opportunity to flourish in the world she lives in.
1. I will no longer allow myself to feel like a victim - I am not responsible for the actions of those who came before me, nor has my own path been easy, but that doesn't free me of my own responsibility to act appropriately. What I do know is that because of my race and gender, life has been easier for me than it would have been had I not been born a white man in America. I will do my best to accept and understand when others view me as the problem, it isn't a personal attack, it is the result of their own experiences in similar situations.
2. I will not objectify women over whom I have been placed in a position of power and influence - My responsibility is to lead and develop all staff equally. If I can't treat these people with respect, I shouldn't be entrusted with that responsibility.
3. I will not make any staffing or management decisions without first asking "Why not her?" - I will always focus on making sure the best qualified applicant or team member is placed in a position of opportunity, but I pledge that every applicant will be considered, and all things equal believe that it is far past the time when women and minorities start to be afforded consideration on merit and skills, not on my own comfort level.
4. I will not support or ignore any management that uses their position of influence to act inappropriately - I recognize that too many of us feel that we are "good guys" and fair employers, who are not guilty of this behavior. In many cases this may be true, but if you can think of a time when you witnessed or heard about harassment and/or abuse and didn't do anything - are you any better than the man who was directly involved?
5. I will not dismiss the concerns of others - It is not my position to say whether a woman is treated inappropriately. If she feels objectified or harassed, then she deserves a safe place to share these concerns, and she definitely doesn't need to feel ashamed or additional disrespect by me denying her the ability to confront this behavior.
6. I will accept times when an opportunity that I am pursuing is awarded to a woman or minority who is equally qualified. - The C-level suites and board rooms are still ridiculously homogenized and full of old white guys. Times are changing, but until we get passed the token admission of women and minorities into positions of power, we as a society will not reach our full potential. I recognize that this advancement of social equity may feel like a loss to those of us who currently reap the "benefits" of sexism and racism, but I accept that their is a greater good involved here, and ultimately change requires the sacrifice of some for the benefit of others.
Respectfully,
Adam Aronson